2009 - 2010

2009:

how can one be fully alive and feel empty at times?

how can one have so many things in mind to accomplish but just somehow, never get to achieve it?

then again, how can some people comment that I'm always alive when the definition of alive means having life; living; existing; not dead or lifeless.

I like my life. I dont love it however. If you asked me to reminisce, I can hardly do it. I've lost my emotions in 2009. I can only recall I broke 2 precious fragile hearts

I dont feel elated.. not sad.. not hostile.. not angry.. not nothing. I felt nothing.

coldness

nonchalent

breathless

dead.

same old things happened. I got very used to it that gradually I dont feel anything at all.

happened..solved..happened...solved..happened...escaped

I'm very sick of it. I wonder if im living in reverie.

I dont have goals to accomplish, I dont have things I want to learn. No tidal wave. My boat float still, calm as ever.

I disappeared into nothingless. I faded into dust. They look into me and see nothing,only tiny particles floating in the air.

Inhale me.

2010:

I want things to be different. I want my emotions back. I want to face death. I want crazy things. I want excitement. I need to push myself. I need to be out there, feeling genuinely animately existing.