Escapism

hello there I'm not dead yet. I'm not really suppose to blog now as I should be mugging real hard but it feels like forever since I've written something here. Besides,I'm forever having problem to start with the flip-open-your-book-and-start-memorising process and on top of that I've alr screwed up for my first paper, doesnt make any much difference if I start now or 15mins later, righttttt?(:

Soooo...It's valentine today,a day which I, a single lady don't celebrate. It feels so weird heading out to town watching couples holding hands, wearing the most beautiful dress to impress their love ones, and exchanging gifts, yes it may be a sweet thing but so overrated. idk? I rather stay at home,put on my boyfriend's top, snuggle on the bed, buy some nice dvds, cook a nice meal and that's it. okay wheatver ,that aside

This morning was spent at my friend's house, watching 7 pounds which I cried like mad, but to realize that my friend was actually sleeping soundly beside me. Zzz. The room was dark and quiet after the show had ended and again, I felt alone. I think of what happened today..I guess that sad things wil happen as soon as you're feeling like the happiest person in the world. I'm not a person who would take those scoldings to heart but when I'm alone, their harpings seemed to sound so vividly. I was scolded by not pusing in the chair, not greeting the lectureres. not calling them personally when I'm away from the meeting, placing my IC instead of nyp card during exam etc.Like wtf. Then they continued to say I'm been irresponsible, rude, immature blah blah. I find it funny how i always got caught or scolded for the most silliest things I've done., ill-mannered, poor upbringing blah bla blah? At times, it makes me really ponder, am I that bad, useless and rebellious? To me,school is such a tormentous ordeal.I want to get over it asap but seems neverending.It's like as if I'm walking on a pathway where I could see a light in front of me and when I'm trying my very best to reach out for it, a strong wind had to blow me away, further from it. I've been running from the reality more than as usual and I'm scared. Scare that the moment everytime I woke up, the things that I left behind will be back to haunt me, and that the truth will smack me hard on my face. Do someone feels the same way as I do, too?

I really look forward to go somewhere soon, like phuket/Msia/Bkk whatever. Escapism you may call it.